Fat girl. new beginning

I'm fat. Plain and simple. I won't be fat for long. I'm going to diet like crazy and be skinny for my boyfriend. He says he likes me the way I am, but I know he's lying. Especially when he sees me naked. He thinks I'm gross and ugly. But not for long!

Found this on a site. Realized I wanted every single one of them.

01. I want to be thin
02. I want to be able to wear all white and still look tiny.
03. I want to walk in the snow and not leave a footprint
04. I want to be beautiful
05. I want to rock a bikini
06. I want to not be embarrassed when I have to change in front of others
07. I want to be confident
08. I want to be the first one to shed her clothes at the beach
09. I want to be strong
10. I want to see my bones: my collarbones, my ribcage, and my hipbones especially
11. I want to fit into the perfect wedding dress
12. I want to put my hands inside my ribcage
13. I want to deserve praise
14. I want to smile at the number on the scale or tape measure
15. I want people to call me thin
16. I want to be the thinnest girl in the room ALWAYS
17. I want to be hungry
18. I want to be someone's ultimate thinspo girl
19. I want to be proud
20. I want others to be jealous of my body
21. I want to feel accomplished
22. I want people to tell me to eat because i'm "too thin"
23. I want to love myself
24. I want bruises from bumping my bones on things when i'm clumsy
25. I want a concave stomach--flat simply isn't good enough
26. I want to make Ana proud
27. I want to never have to consider Mia because there is nothing in my stomach to throw up
28. I want delicate, stick-thin legs (instead of my disgusting thunder thighs)
29. I want to be in the double--not triple--digits on the scale
30. I want the pain of payment...
31. I want to be able to be lifted into the air by a single helium ballon (not possible... I know)
32. I want to be the girl every guy wants to be with
33. I don't want to be invisible
34. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see
35. I want to be able to shop anywhere
36. I want other girls to envy me
37. I want to always feel hungry--and not eat
38. I want the will power to always say no to compulsive eating
39. I want to not fight with myself over getting on the treadmill
40. I want to walk into a room and have every guy reconsider their girlfriend--because I'm prettier and thinner



Damn, I have to go to sleep. I'm getting tired. Blogging will get better and more interesting. Promise.
Stay strong, starve on. <3